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The Friend Ship May 7, 2010

Filed under: Across My Heart,Across Our Street — daniellebrower @ 12:32 pm
Tags: , ,

So are you on the Friend Ship or are have you been Walking the Plank?

I’ve been Walking the Plank. On the ship, but not really...

I don’t want to make excuses for myself but I’m going to anyway. 🙂

It’s difficult to find the balance between investing in my friendships and getting done with what I need to do ~ which translates to doing what I want to do.

I am passionate about blogging (it’s my newest passion, I’ve had many). I want to give it my all. And some of my relationships outside of cyber world have suffered because of it, including my relationship with clean laundry, but that’s a different post!

I want to & need to maintain closeness with my G-friends. I have some great ones. But am I willing to invest the time & energy to keep those close friends?

This is my one of my favorite quotes on friendship:

You are my friend when you can guard my failure, challenge my thought and celebrate my success.

Something happened to me yesterday that caused me to want to jump back in the Friend Ship

A woman that I go to church with called me.

Did she call me to ask me to volunteer? Nope.

Did she call me to tell me about her life? Nope.

She called me to listen to me. Literally. I’m still in shock & so touched.

She called to ask how I’m doing and proceeded to ask multiple questions about my life – joys & struggles. We talked for 22 minutes and it’s been the highlight of my week, perhaps my month.

I want to be that kind of friend. A friend that’s interested in your successes & failures. Not what you can do for me.

I’m truly curious, does anyone else find the balancing act difficult? How do we cultivate lasting friendships while still taking care of your family & having time for yourself? How do you do it?

Also do you think you can have true friendship & community in an online social networking? Or is that just a cop-out for not being truly engaged in ‘real’ life?


13 Responses to “The Friend Ship”

  1. Phyllis Smith Says:

    Life changes, people come and go in our lives and our relationships with them evolve, but each of them occupies a spot in our history if not in our present life or our future. I remember very clearly a close neighbor who taught me how to fold contour sheets when I lived in my first home, and I think of her every time I do laundry although I have not seen her in 40 years.

    And especially there are those with whom we enjoy such a bond that whether we have been walking the plank or not, a moment is all it takes before we are laughing like sisters.

    I have done the plank walk of neglect, and I have been neglected, and yet…the people whose hearts speak to mine are heard whether we are in constant contact or not.

    As for online community and whether true friendships are possible, I have proof that they are. One of the dearest people in my life came to me through an online dog group!

    • I love this Phyllis. It’s so important to maintain perspective and realize that we can’t be everything to everyone. You are right, there are relationships that evolve – sometimes you’re closer than others. But it’s the friendship that I truly invested in though, that seem to pick up right where they left off years ago. Somedays I wonder if I’m doing any true investing currently. I felt invested in the other day when that ‘friend’ called. I want people to sense that from me, don’t you? (of course!)

      Proof that online friendships are real! You heard it folks!

      Thanks for your comment. I really enjoy talking with you my ‘online friend!’

  2. Linda McGraw Says:

    I hear what you are saying. You know it’s kinda like when you pour concrete, you work on an area to get it smooth and leven and then you just leave it along and low and behold it levels out. When you “make time” to talk to God, He will cause all of the other stuff to get leveled out. It is Oh so human to give your all when something new comes along and other things suffer (or at least you think it does), then one day it’s all together and all done. The main thing is this. You “see” that you may be neglecting some things, it is in your radar, you’re not blind to it. Some things are in your “inner circle” and some in the middle and then the outer, they kinda move in and out. That’s life, my sweet. Trust God and do your best….

  3. shannon Says:

    This is an issue near and dear to my heart. You see, I don’t think women are really good at balancing friendships with motherhood. When we have a husband and kids they become the world to us and our friends are relegated to the “later” pile. I’ve learned to some extent to not expect a great deal from women; I know it sounds horrible. But for me, men have been more reliable and more truthful!

    I do think online friendships are great because it’s often a common interest bringing you together and that is critical to friendship. Plus, it is pretty easy to say kind words and check in, etc. That being said, the real time you spend with a person is important. God brought a wonderful lady into my life last year who also happens to run! I knew I liked her before the running, but having that common interest has given us the opportunity to bond as we see each other and talk nearly every day!

    • Shannon, I see your point in that women’s friendships may suffer in quality time as families are growing. I think you would agree though that this is part of how it has to be – family first.

      However, I think what I see happening with me is that I have at times in my life thrown the ‘friendship baby out with the bath water’ in the name of taking care of my family. I guess what I’m saying is I’ve let my top priority become my only priority and my relationships with girlfriends have suffered. Is that how you feel?

      As moms & wives with the stresses (& joys, too) at home, is when we need our friends more than ever. Lets not be afraid to look weak or be vulnerable. I often find my pride keeps me from that.

      I’m so glad you found a friend to stay connected with through running! All of us can take a lesson from that… exercise & friendship at the same time?! Total productivity! 🙂

  4. Linda McGraw Says:

    This is how I see it. The Holy Spirit will lead you. Be sensitive to His promptings. You know when you have to tell your family, I need time with my friend, and you know when family is the top priority. Sometimes family is not all it’s cracked up to be. Please don’t take this wrong, but sometimes our friends become our family. I know that most of you blogging here have young families, small children, but as they grow and make their choices and if you have not kept in contact with your friends, you may be sorry you didn’t. We as women need to be “fed”, encouraged and who better to do that than a good girlfriend!!!! They are a gift from God. Just as Deb!!! I’m glad we are reconnected!!!

  5. shannon Says:

    I agree with you, Linda! I think a lot of women are skipping the friendship while their kids are little and then regretting it when the kids are older and out of the house. There definitely has to be a balance!

  6. John Sherry Says:

    Danielle, this is beautiful. The love of a friend is truly a ship that sails us through choppy waters or helps us navigate through the rocks of life. If we are the captain of our ship, then our friends are the crew. Bless you for a heartfelt post.


    • John ~ has anyone ever told you that you are deep? I just checked out your blog. Wonderful. So thought-provoking. And knowing that makes your comments about this post even better!

  7. John Sherry Says:

    Not too deep Danielle, just reflective like a mill pond. Tee hee

    One thing I do want to say ; MOMS ROCK!!

    Without you moms we would not have a world full of people who will be our future. From one guy to all moms; God Bless You!!

    Keep being you girls!
    John x

    • Well John, most people can’t swim in the deep waters forever. Gotta sometimes come to the ‘shallow’ ponds where the rest of us are most of the time, for some good fun! 🙂
      Thanks for the compliments to Moms! I wholeheartedly agree with you!

  8. Linda McGraw Says:

    Friendship can be hard. Because of the pain that I have experienced with some friends, I listen to their words, which translate into needs. Don’t know if I’m saying this correctly. Rejection… There are many forms of it. Painful, and sometimes a person can say, “That’s dumb” why do you feel rejected becaue of something that silly. Well we can, and we do and it hurts and they don’t even know it and it’s too silly to even bring it up… however… it hurts.
    I’m probably not making sense, but God knows. That is all that matters.
    Blessings to your day.

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